i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
