I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
