He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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