You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
