I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
