she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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