wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
