I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
