Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
