look no pants
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
