One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
