Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
