OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
