I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
