My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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