I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
