the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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