where am i from again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
