i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
