I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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