how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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