I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
