Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
