Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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