sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
