I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
