ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
handjob tips. give me some.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
