i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
