the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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