Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
