how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
