Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
