Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
