My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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