I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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