I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
