this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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