I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
