Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
