I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
