Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
