it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
