i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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