You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
