Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
