If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
