Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
