Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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