it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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