Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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