where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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