Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize