I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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