I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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