Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
