so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
